My first hit of Crystal Methamphetamine was when I was thirteen. I didn’t become hooked right away. I don’t remember what my first experience. I do remember how my body, mind, and relationships changed between seventeen and twenty. No, this is not some story to encourage sobriety or tell you that drugs are dangerous. I am merely doing a time-lapse reflection post comparing selfies from my personal growth from when I was eighteen to now that I am twenty-two. If you happen to gain something of this reflection we shall call that, the sprinkles on the cake.
Before I began, let me tell you a little bit of my drug of choice. “My drug of choice” is a common phrase used in a sober community. My best way to describe a sober community is a group of people who don’t intoxicate themselves with alcohol or drugs, at all and help each other keep it that way. WebMD explains what Meth is, “Crystal Meth is the common name for crystal methamphetamine, a strong and highly addictive drug that affects the central nervous system. There is no legal use for it. A chemical called dopamine floods the parts of the brain that regulate feelings of pleasure. Users also feel confident and energetic. People have also taken the drug to lose weight and ease depression”. I am one of those people. I used to get away from the feeling of sadness and loneliness.
As you can see in my first picture, there is a lot of confidence there. I felt thin which made me feel pretty. When you look closer, you can see one of my scabs I developed from picking at myself. One of the many side effects of my drug abuse.
Pictures can be deceiving. In Miranda’s blog, she shares about how people only share happy moments of a baby, along with one of her main ideas about chapter three from the book, “Seeing Ourselves through Technology,” “filtering allows us to remove information from a photo”. It does seem like people filter what they post online. They tend only to show the good times. In the first picture starting from the left moving towards the right, I am smiling and appear to have a great relationship with my sister, old friend, and ending with my ex-boyfriend. Little does the public know that off the camera, I hated all my relationships with people. But I hated being alone just as much.
Finally, there was a pause in my life. I couldn’t get myself to smile anymore. I felt stuck. I wanted to be somebody else. I thought the only way out was to take my own life away. I hurt myself to the point where I became hospitalized and transferred to different places. I wasn’t released until I was stable enough to make my own decisions. From there on I decided to receive the help I was offered.
In conclusion, my new decision-making brought me to where I am today! I graduated from massage school and moved up in my profession. I can do things I couldn’t have done before when I was active in my addiction like go on vacations and get a fantastic tan in Miami and Key West Florida. Along with having a better relationship with my sister. I am ready to challenge myself and help people who are hurting more than I can right now.